In honor of the latest news of the fictional “Bowling Green Massacre” we here at Tragedy Weekly would like to take a moment to remember a few other tragedies that never happened.
The Cleveland Cleaver
The Cleveland Cleaver was not a serial killer that lurked through the darkened streets of Cleveland Ohio in the 1970’s. The killer’s weapon of choice was not an over-sized meat clever. He would not leap out of alleyways and hack away at his victims, only to disappear even before making sure they were dead. Evidence of this ever happening doesn’t exist because it never happened.
The Great Utica Urination of 1998
This fictional tragedy still doesn’t baffle scientists to this day, because it never actually happened. At precisely 3:45p.m on October 16th, 1998 the entire population of Utica New York lost control of their bladders at the exact same moment. The resulting massive pool of urine that was created by the phenomenon didn’t take sanitation experts weeks to clean up. Also, none of this actually occurred.
The Reno Laughing Gas Leak
In a 2007 freak accident that actually never happened, a laughing gas pipe at a Reno dentists office ruptured and leaked out into the city. Within a few hours the entire population of Reno, including dozens of tourists, we under the influence of laughing gas. A good time was had by all.
That Time I Found a Hair in my Mashed Potatoes at Kings
This one actually happened. It was super gross.
Thoughts,prayers, and good vibes to our readership.