Editors note: The following is satire. It is a piece of entertainment, presented here as an editorial.
Washington D.C.: President Donald Trump called in his closest advisers today and demanded to know who was producing the presidential reality show that he mistakenly thought he was starring in for television. Chaos erupted during the morning presidential briefing as Trump, convinced it was all a TV show, was astounded to find out he was actually president.
“What do you mean there’s no producer?” said the incredulous Trump. “There are cameras following me everywhere. Everyone’s watching me on TV. I thought we had a real hit on our hands.” Kellyanne Conway, one of Trump’s closest advisers, broke the news, explaining that the voters weren’t just the kind on American Idol or the Voice. Unfortunately, Trump seemed not to buy the explanation.
“All right Kelly, whatever. Let’s cut for a few minutes and hit craft services,” said Trump, tossing aside several ISIS security briefings. “These scripts are boring as shit anyway. Get some of the writers to punch them up.”
Despite repeated attempts by his advisers to get him to return to the morning briefing, Trump would only talk to his make up artist, Mia. He stood outside in front of a food truck on 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with napkins protecting his collar as Mia touched up his tan. The secret service agents protecting him monitored the street nearby closely.
“I love these guys,” said Trump gesturing to the agents. “They never break character. Not once! I think if I was actually in danger, these guys would actually try and save me! That’s how committed they are to the bit, Mia. Y’see?”
Trump continued to eat his bagel, until a messenger from the White House arrived with news about Seal Team 6 and their recent raid on Yemen. “Y’see, this is no good,” complained Trump. “The Seals only killed people in Yemen, no one cares. We gotta kill people here. That’s where the ratings are at. Someone close to me needs to get kidnapped like Jared or Pence. How’s Pence with stage fighting? Does anyone know? Y’see, that’s why I need to talk to the producer or this show is going to get canceled.”
Eventually, the president composed himself and satisfied with Mia’s make up job, decided to return to the briefing as cameras followed. “It’s stupid to shoot this morning briefing now, the light’s all wrong. Hey, we need to get some more chicks on this show. It’s a sausage fest in there. What’s the Palin broad doing? She’s got some cans.”
Featured photo credit: Trump Draws on Twitter